What if I told you that the biggest barrier to your success isn’t the market, your competition, or even your skillset? It’s you, or more specifically, your level of self-awareness.
Self-awareness is the foundation of great leadership, strong relationships, and effective sales. Without it, you might unknowingly repel clients, frustrate your team, or hold yourself back in ways you don’t even realize. With it, you gain the power to lead, sell, and connect at a whole new level. Not to mention what it will do for your personal relationships!
Michael Gerber in his book ‘The E Myth’ talks about how entrepreneurs fail because they get caught working in their business rather than on their business.’ It’s the same in life, if we don’t work ON ourselves and we are caught up IN defending and protecting ourselves we will fail as leaders, parents and humans!
Let’s explore how you can sharpen this skill and use it to your advantage.
1. The Two Types of Self-Awareness
Most people think self-awareness is just knowing yourself. But there are actually two sides to it:
1️⃣ Internal Self-Awareness, Understanding your fears, emotions, triggers, strengths, and blind spots; the core unconscious fears/beliefs that drive your patterns and behaviors.
2️⃣ External Self-Awareness, Knowing how others perceive and experience you. This is rarely spoken about in a way that makes practical sense. Basically, ask yourself the question, ‘how do others feel around me?’ And ask some people you can trust to answer honestly. Rarely do we really understand the impact we have on others, especially when we are in a leadership role.
Many leaders and salespeople have one but not the other. They might be in touch with their emotions but oblivious to how they come across, or they’re hyper-aware of others’ opinions but lack deep personal insight. FOWOT is fear of what others think. Surprisingly, very rarely do other people think about you, because they are too obsessed with thinking about themselves! This is sad but true!
It’s critical for leaders (and parents) to think about the environment that they create around them; do your team feel psychologically safe with you? Do they feel they can talk to you about anything significant? Can they bring issues to you, or brilliant ideas if they have them? Are they scared to approach you? Do you acknowledge them so they trust you will honor any ideas they have and you implement. Your awareness of yourself, the impact you have on others and the environment you create are critical leadership (and parenting) skills to hone.
Action Tip:
Ask yourself: Do I truly understand how I impact others? If you’re not sure, seek honest feedback from a trusted colleague or mentor.
2. The Blind Spot Problem
We all have blind spots, those pesky behaviors or habits we don’t see but everyone else does. Maybe you interrupt people without realizing it. Maybe you dominate conversations or downplay your own value. Perhaps you have a fear of not being good enough and that will trigger bully type behaviors; or what is perceived as arrogance by others. Without working on yourself, a deep childhood fear of not being worth loving or not being safe can impact every interaction you have with others and sabotage you.
Blind spots are like having spinach in your teeth, obvious to everyone but you. The sooner you spot them, the faster you can grow.
Action Tip:
Ask someone you trust: “What’s one thing I do that holds me back?” Or “What’s a blind spot that you can see in me?’ Be open, not defensive. This is gold for growth.
3. Emotional Triggers: Do You Control Them or Do They Control You?
Ever had a small comment or someone’s look or voice tone really get under your skin? That’s a sign of an emotional trigger, a deeper, often unconscious belief at play. The action triggers one of the unconscious core fears and instantly, you are in a reactive state before you even know it yourself!
Leaders and sales pros who aren’t aware of their triggers or core fears often react instead of respond. They take feedback personally, get defensive in negotiations, or shut down in stressful situations. The most effective professionals recognize their triggers and manage them. There are 3 main core unconscious fears and they are:
1. I am not worth loving or I am not good enough
2. I am unsafe in some way
3. I am separate, I don’t belong, I don’t fit in.
Action Tip:
Next time something triggers you, pause and ask: Why is this bothering me? Which core fear is triggered? Is it about this moment, or is it from the past? Is it relevant right now in the present moment? Recognizing it gives you the chance to consciously choose what to do rather than have a reflex response.
4. Self-Awareness = Better Relationships, Happier Teams & Bigger Wins
Whether you’re leading a team or closing a deal, people respond based on how they feel around you. Self-aware leaders create trust, loyalty, and influence because they’re mindful of their impact.
Self-aware salespeople and leaders:
✅ Listen more than they talk; are genuinely interested and curious
✅ Adapt their style to different personalities giving people what they need
✅ Take feedback as fuel, not criticism and are authentic and transparent
✅ Own their strengths and their areas for growth as well as fostering growth ini others
✅ Acknowledge and recognize others
Action Tip:
Before any important conversation, ask: How do I want this person to feel by the end? Then adjust your thinking, state, words, tone, and body language accordingly.
Final Thought: The Journey Never Ends
Self-awareness isn’t something you “achieve.” It’s a lifelong practice of curiosity, reflection, and growth. The more you understand yourself, the better you lead, sell, and connect. And live!
So, what’s one thing you’ve recently learned about yourself? Let me know in the comments!
